So yesterday my boyfriend and I went to the city hall in Paris to see requirements to be married. I know I love my boyfriend with all of my heart and I seriously want to spend the rest of my life with him. I didn’t know things would move along this fast but we really only have so many options living so far apart from each other and the immigration rules. I couldn’t be more happy and at peace knowing that he really wants me and only me. At first we talked about this thing called Pacs but I was just not as thrilled about it but I would do anything to not be separated so I was ok w that option. Crazy the direction my life is taking for the better. We have so many plans and I just see our future and I know I won’t stop being in love with this guy. From the moment we met to even our little fights I never want to lose him and I wake up every day excited to be with him. We thought a kid or marriage would be the best way to stay together but I think we need more time just us before we have kids!


January 5th 2017

I never imagined I would be in Paris France in love with a French guy living here and learning the language. Since May of 2016 I would have thought you were crazy to tell me I would be living this life today but I am and I am so grateful and happy for all that god and the universe has brought in my life.  After my very first visit to see the love of my life in Paris. We both decided that we could not live apart and wanted to be with each other every day. He came back to my hometown once more and we sat on my patio smoking a cig and coffee and teary eyed and I sat in my boyfriends lap and we decided it was time to move forward.  Within less than 20 days I was back in Paris without a set time to come back at first I stayed in Paris for a month and a half so almost 50 days living together and from only seeing each other a week at a time we ended up being inseparable.  It was a great month to really get to know each other and try understanding each other. We did have a few fights but more like misunderstandings and just a need to be alone I think because of overwhelming feelings of all of the adjustments.  I did go home for the Winter holiday and that was too long apart without him. I thought I wanted to visit my family and I ended up regretting that decision. Never again will I subject myself to such pain. I finally got back to Paris December 29th and the very next day we took a train to Londre to celebrate the new year! Now today is Thursday and I woke up with my boyfriend around 8am we had coffee and cuddled then he left for work and then I had a French class around 1 and then just relaxed and now just got back home waiting for the cleaning lady to leave so I can shower … I think she has been here 5 hours today and all I do is clean so wtf is she doing here still.

Crazy long weekend📍🌿

This Sunday I decided to hang out by myself and try to get my hair back to its normal state. For some reason the past few months I haven’t been able to get my hair to look full and shiny. It looks hollow. It’s making me obsess on hair products and decisions. It’s interesting how my new fast moving long distance relationship is affecting me in a stronger way than my last situation. I feel so connected to this French man I barely even know. I know how I feel. I feel something bigger than us. I’m willing to be flexible and take our time whatever we need to do. It’s just hard waiting 3 weeks to see him. I know I’m in school and distracted with things I could give a fuck less about. Seriously though. I’m ready for a challenge I need something big happen in my life. I feel the time is coming something will happen. I trust him and his feelings he has already to want to make this work. We just have to see each other in 8 days so I can catch my breath again. 🌿🌸🌿🍥💕 

October 2016

October 2016

October came unexpectedly this year. The summer flew by as far as losing track of time and so many wonderful experiences happened. My thoughts today as we get closer to the time the hurricane comes closer to us. I just got back from Paris visiting the guy that I met and wrote about last.  He already told me I love you and I said it back to him…. we’ve only known each other really two weeks out of the two months almost since I met him.  We spent the entire week together when we met and I even met his parents and son that first week.  It was crazy.  We definitely had a connection instantly.  It forces you to acknowledge and slow down.  I am completely consumed with my thoughts right now.  I flew to Paris immediately after I met him he insisted that he get me a ticket to Paris when he was leaving here. I waited over 3 weeks ( longer than I actually knew him which was 6 or 7 days while he was visiting). It was hard.  I waited though and counted down the days … stalling the time and buying things to prepare to see him.  The day before I leave for Paris comes and received all of the clothes i had ordered and started packing.  I made sure all of the necessities were taken care of such as international phone plan, money, and wardrobe. I feel calm and pretty cool about being if anything over prepared because I was spending so much time obsessing to make sure I was prepared.  I go we see each other at the airport.  I am overwhelmed with happiness and butterflies anxiously wanting to just be hugging him.  He picks me up we go straight to get breakfast in Paris.  We stopped at this place on a street called Victor Hugo… I cannot remember the name of the restaurant.  Absolutely beautiful and exactly what I would have imagined.  He ordered a chocolate croissant ( pain de chocolate to be exact). I had a cappuccino and he had a cafe longe which is just espresso with a little hot water in it.  I started ordering those. We sat there and just talked and touched each other and were both very happy to be together and to have made this happen.  He takes me everywhere all over the city… arc de triumph and the tour de Eiffel.  Speaking of the Eiffel tower…. Every night I saw it and it was absolutely stunning. Within the first few hours  of being in Paris we had already had an amazing french breakfast. Steamy and passionate sex and then we were on our way up to the very top of the Eiffel Tower.  It was incomparable to anything I had ever experienced.  I was extremely high up and with this guy that feels so important to me and Im still trying to process us and how lucky I was feeling to have met such an incredible guy.  The days were flying by.  Nothing but amazing moments with a lot of sex.  Every day he showed me something new and amazing and every night was romantic.  We would have breakfast and then we went on an adventure on his fast chic scooter.  We went to Normandy almost 5 days into the trip and that was amazing and we bonded on the drive talking and getting to know each other more. Every time during the trip if we had any length of time longer than an hour it was like we both could feel it and made up for it when we saw each other hugging and kissing.  Ok fast forward to the last night.  His son came to the house and I was there when then both arrived from his sons school.  Adorable really just a lovable young boy.  He was absolutely precious and I just had fun seeing a different dynamic and side of this guy I was falling in love with and now his son who is a part of him.  We ended up going to dinner and then coming back and I had a glass of red wine and we put on a Marvel and all watched the movie.  It was a rainy night and we had a cute dinner nothing too fancy but really good food.  I still had not met his friends and they were all out this night.  He suggest we go and his brother was there so he watched his son when we left.  We went to the downtown area and I met his friends upon arrival.  They were smoking cigs outside.  I instantly felt that they all were cool guys and smart with funny strong personalities.  It makes sense since myself and my love are both that way also.  They were testing me throughout the night you could tell just trying to find a little more about me…. something I am comfortable not by choice with. It went well I would say and then we ended up staying up partying until 4 am or actually later…. then we stopped by his office and had sex which was pretty fun.  I was sleep walking when I woke up after only sleeping for about an hour or two.  I don’t know looking back how I am feeling about this … we both cried at the airport.. I did not want to leave him.  Ive been back almost 5 days now and I feel we have barely spoken.  I know the time difference is 6 hours and that does explain a lot.  I just don’t know how this is going to work.  I should be confident and strong and I feel I am just anxious. He bought a ticket to come here the 18th and that is coming up in like two weeks.  I think I am being impatient and I need to just chill out.  I really hope when he comes this time that we decide on something.  I need to know where this is going.  In my heart I feel he isn’t rushing anything serious with me but then again he told me he loves me and he won’t give up on me. I just hope when he comes we figure out something so I can plan.  I feel in limbo not knowing what to do next.

August 2016- Tilted.


Tonight I really feel so happy from and I want to write it out because Im in love with this idea.  So I had been in touch with someone just online through various social media. Yea, like through 3 sites. So it started on Tinder and then we barely talked and he got my Instagram or whatever and wrote me through that and I never responded.  I guess he found me on whats app and reached out to me.  This guy is my dream guy.  I was starting to wonder my sexual preference.  I was having the worst luck with men for years.  Its been so many years since Ive had a passionate and intimate experience.  He was SUCH a gentleman.  Opened the door. Sincere. played with my hair once the night progressed… I am still like wow.  He asked so many questions.  We shared a bottle of wine and smoked tow cigarettes. We kissed forever.  It was so passionate.  Ive been wanting this.  If I had to go through all of that just to get here.  It was worth it.  I don’t know what the future holds…. he has 8 days here left and then he leaves back to Paris.  I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know what is going to happen.  I hate getting excited too.  Its like naturally I feel I am overthinking and wanting to romanticize my idea of the perfect ending… like I move away with him and just fall in love and we live in Paris and sometimes to Florida. God is so amazing really.  Above all its just incredible to me how we can manifest what we want.  I think the power of our mind is absolutely fascinating. I have been practicing in various ways.. some probably worth not even doing.  I really only wanted this if it does magically last and we are perfect.  I am extremely attracted to him.  He is 13 years older than me and he has a son.  We literally made out for probably 30 minutes total between before driving home and before walking in the door.  Well I start work with my ex boyfriend from 8 years ago… he’s in real estate now so I am going to work next week and we will see the future.  Im redoing my face with magic marker, I’m in my right place. I am actually good , can’t help it if we’re tilted.  I believe in the power of how we think now.  I have been praying and manifesting my true desires.  I was told to ask for what I want and I can have it.  I sacrificed the hardest addiction and its been the longest it ever has and I think finally I am getting the blessings and miracles that come with a positive and sincere heart.  Ok we will see….Im excited to see the outcome and then re read this journal. I know on my end I have met my match if he feels the same. 8 days…


So I was just thinking … It’s funny how all of my exes once I break up with them they consistently find a girl less prettier but similar features as me. And their prior taste was never even close to my look. Just something funny to point out.
On another note . My last paralegal class is monday and I’m fucking out of here after! Off to NYC until at least the 14th and then I’ll decide if I should come back and take more classes or permanently move. Im seeing my ex ex well I guess that’s what you call it. We hook up but he is off to New Orleans and we are not official so ima keep doing my own thing! I told him I’m going to NYC and if he doesn’t show any more effort than he always has hence he’s my ex. Then I’m off! I have nothing really holding me back these days .

Amalfi coast week with my favorites ⛵️💦⚓️

I had the best time of my life. Started in Rome and arrived probably around 6pm that night and then went and stayed with an old friend I had met in the Bahamas in 2008 and reconnected! He cooked me an amazing penne pasta dish with cherry tomatoes👌🏻🍅. After that we went out around 1130 pm and toured the trevi fountain and I made a couple of wishes! We went to so many places and then had a refreshing spritzer to end the night ! 

The next morning I went to the Romd train station and they only had first class train ticket available because it was last minute so I purchased and went to Naples to meet my group of friends! I arrive at Naples train station and My friend and his aunt pick me up! We go to the house a minute then to get the others and rented a car and drove all the way to Amalfi coast! Sorrento was our first stop. Incredible is all I can say. Breathtaking views and great company! First night we had dinner on the water and accompanied by excellent bottles of wine. The next morning we rented a boat in Capri and had to take a ferry to Capri to start! Best day ever. We went to the green and white grottos! I jumped off a 10 ft cliff not that high but for me it was! Some jumped off a higher one! We swam and relaxed listened to music. Great bonding experience! That night we all stayed in and chilled. I had met a guy one night and he ended up inviting me and my gf to their boat the next day! The captain prepared fresh octopus and tomatoes and fabulous wine! Another great day!